Saturday, August 10, 2013

Woman Speak Translation

Men don't understand when women give directions. This is frequently because they have not been taught what the phrases we are using mean. For example, tell a man to comb his daughter's freshly washed hair "from the bottom up" and he will start at the ends and attempt to comb towards the roots. If it is explained to him that you want him to comb out the bottom 2 inches, then comb out the bottom 4 inches, gradually moving to add more of her hair until it is combed from her head all the way to the ends, he can follow the directions.

Women can not ask a man to run the vacuum and expect him to use the crevice tool on the corners and manage the baseboards, too. The request was to run the vacuum. He did that. Will he have moved furniture? Not unless he nudged it with the vacuum. And he will have made the vacuum pass once over each square foot of floor. He will not repeatedly pass the vacuum over that clump of dog hair until it finally gets the last of it. After all, he doesn't have to run a lawn mower over a patch of grass twice.

If a man asks a woman who doesn't usually mow the yard to mow, she'll run the lawn mower. Will she pick up fallen branches, trim shrubs, do a little weeding, and edge? No. She mowed, as she was asked. Put the shoe on the other foot and see if it fits.

How do you get the results you want? You make a more specific request and you talk to your partner as the two of you complete the chore together. "Honey, will you move the chairs so I can vacuum under them?" will probably work much better than "Honey, will you run the vacuum?"

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