Sanctuary

 I am attempting to create a sanctuary for myself. A place where old wounds can heal and new dreams can grow. The ideal sanctuary that I created in my dreams is far away from where I am right now. I’m renting a one bedroom apartment that leaves a lot to be desired. The floors are not level, the place was horribly filthy when I moved in, and so on. There is no magical creation of a good space to be. I have to clean, sort, unpack, put away, and make sense out of a chaotic pile of random boxes of stuff. 

I packed in a bit of a hurry, and many items were not packed in an organized way. Fabric got wrapped around dishes, towels got wedged into boxes of books. It kept me from having to purchase packing padding, but it makes it hard to be systematic when unpacking. 

I’m also still downsizing and decluttering my things. While I have long needed to do this, the amount of mental effort required is sucking a lot more energy than I had thought it would. I have reached a point where I just can’t face another box that I will have to sort through and make decisions about. It isn’t making the decisions, I’ve figured out some very effective ways to choose what to keep or not. It’s just that making those decisions over and over again takes energy that I have run out of. I need to be doing something that restores my energy. I need to be creating something. 

Because I’ve had to focus on the basics of kitchen, bedroom, and bath, I have zero space set up for working with fiber. In order to create, I will create food to eat. I have been mentally designing skirts and sleeves, but I can’t do pattern work now. I’m going to make bread and prepare ingredients for future meals. It won’t be freestyle cooking, the way I used to, but I’m hoping it feeds my creative energy a meal as well.